it's starting to feel like a dream that i had had that sweet little boy. that makes me really sad. i hate to admit that sometimes i forget that i had him and when i do i feel super guilty. but when i do think about him i still vividly remember every detail about his coming into this world. i remember finding out he was a boy and then going to the hospital for contractions and then being flown to boise. i remember how much the stupid magnesium they gave me to stop the contractions made everything trippy and make me want to puke. i remember most the doctor telling me how hard life for our little guy would be if we tried to keep him alive. and finally i remember the sweet reassurance from the spirit that his mission here had been fulfilled and that he needed to go home.
thinking about all that though i still wonder if he would have made it if we did keep him alive. he was really strong he had survived the whole process and lived for almost two hours after. the spirit in that room was so strong. it was a holy place. i held him in my arms and sang families can be together forever and then kissed him for one last time before he left this life to continue his mission on the other side of the veil.
i miss that perfect little boy.
2 comments:
So Sweet...I couldn't even imagine losing a child...the only experience I have that could compare in a very small way is losing my mom. It's been ten years and I still miss her...the "pain" is mostly gone now, thank goodness...but I still miss her terribly. I think the same will be for you and your little boy. As time goes by, the painful part will go...but the memory of your sweet little boy will remain. Thank goodness we know that we will see our babies, mothers, father, etc again someday!
Ahh, Brit! Don't make me cry! I can't even imagine. I'm sure you made a good choice, good thing you have the Lord on your side.
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